When all is said and done.

Time of death.  11:06 am.

A stilted silence; a pause...

Then like clockwork - the show must go on.

Machines are turned off. The Anesthetist and his entourage of helpers remove their surgical masks and scrub down before evacuating the small room.An attendant stands over the body lying stiff and lifeless before him.  He stares at the  cold body, eyes squinting,  then looks away and turns his attention to the citations he is making on the clipboard he is gripping on his left arm. He sets it on a small table next to the gurney,  inches away from the pillow on which a head is resting. He slips quietly out of the room.The chief surgeon is the last to leave the room,  stopping only briefly  to tuck the sheet snugly under the deceased's chin,  before  dimming the overheads and closing the door quietly behind her. It clicks with a certain finality as the hinges engage.

This is death's holding room.

She does not look back once as she steps into the brightly lit hallway of the ICU. Walking down the long corridor, her brow is furrowed,  mouth set in an emotionless line as she contemplates the next grim task that awaits her beyond the swinging doors a few feet ahead leading into the waiting area of the Intensive Care Unit.  As she approaches the doors she slows down,  takes a deep breath and stops. Pulling herself up straight she lifts her head purposefully, her facial expression now changing.  She dons an almost rehearsed mask; sad eyes,  a helpless but sorrowful air about her features then raises her arms to push gently on the doors. They yield to her touch and within moments she is facing the grief stricken victim's family.

A man sits on the sofa on the far end of the room. Holding his head in his hands,  eyes fixed on the floor in shock. She's gone. She...is gone.A distinctly older woman sits next to him,  her shoulders drooping resignedly. Her face is concealed in a fluffy handkerchief into which she is quietly sobbing.  Her other hand is set firmly on the man's bony knee. From a distance it's hard to make out whether she is leaning on him for support or comforting him. Or both. They could have done better.  They should have.  She certainly deserved it. Sadly, whether they could or should,  it's futile now. Such is the ruthlessness of time.  She strides on, eyes fixed ahead,  intent on moving the ages, her arms swishing to and fro, one noticeably shorter than the other.  She waits for no man. As minutes pass into days and months pass into years.  Her eyes stay fixed on the purpose at hand...

She
waits
for
no one.

Beyond the sofa , set in the far wall, is a large floor to ceiling glass window pane looking out over the hospital gardens.  Orderlies can be spotted wheeling patients into the midday sunshine on the chilly winter day. Peering out of the glass,  her forehead resting gently on the thick glass a teenage girl is standing hunched over. Her palms are resting on either side of her shoulders pressing gently on the window.  As she blinks her tears fall a few centimetres before landing on the surface of the glass and trickling down to the floor, streaking the pane as they roll down. As the sun peaks out from behind the clouds her tear streaks glisten.  For some reason she smiles through her sadness. She closes her eyes as the feels the warmth of the sun's rays now penetrating the window,  warming her face. Her mind drifts. 

She can see her mum in her mind.  She's lost in a myriad of memories. On the grass in mum's cosy little garden flat, as they lie adjacent to each other looking up at the sky.  She can see swirls of smoke drifting lazily in disjointed drunken shapes from where her mum is lying.  " Mom,  you said that was your last pack! " she scolds Mum giggles and says " Oh give me a break.  It's summer.  Can we just lie here and enjoy this wonderful day?  Please darling . It's been a hard week,  don't judge". She reaches over and tickles softly on the cheek she makes contact with.  Laughing now her daughter slaps the hand playfully. " Oh mum. You're incorrigible honestly. " She smiles.  She can still remember the scent of mum's perfume mixed with the smell of tobacco. " I suppose I should finish this before your brother gets home.  Don't feel like being lectured today". Mum sighs dramatically. The smell  reminded her of secrets.  Their secret world.  Where her mum told her about her childhood exploits. And she told her mum about her dreams of making movies.  Mum's eyes would light up as she shouted " Dream big, my baby,  the sky is the limit! "In  between puffs and sobs that year she turned 15 , her mum told her that she was leaving dad. She was so proud of her.  She knew it wasn't easy...  Their secret bittersweet world.  But theirs nonetheless. Just memories now.

She turns now sensing a familiar and comforting presence.  She looks up instinctively and before her is her brother,  eyes misty but a brave smile on his face.  The young man is keeping it together for his little sister.  It's what mum would have wanted. He remembers what she said when his wrinkled little powdery sister came home from the hospital- it seems like yesterday.  " This is your little sister.  Being a big brother is like being a Guardian angel, did you know that?  You have to help mummy watch over her. It's your very special job". Those words seem so important now as he looks into her little face,  barely a young woman. He's barely just a man himself.  He hopes mum would be proud of who he's turned out to be. She should be. Through the heartache and uncertainty of the years she's responsible for who they both are today.  And really,  she did the best with what she had.

The pain is mirrored in the reflections of their eyes as they face  each other now.  They embrace.  And in the warmth of the deep embrace they can feel their mothers arms still binding them together.  All the memories wash over them and they laugh and cry at the same time unashamedly now as they prepare to go and sit with her one last time. It's not easy to think their mum's laughter is lost in echoes in the wind now. Only an image of her,always smiling,  now remains in their heads. They pull away from each other and hold hands as they turn to go and follow the nurse waiting patiently by the swinging doors to lead them to her. Heads lowered they saunter through the doors and follow the nurse,  down the Green Mile to where their mum rests peacefully waiting to feel their final touch and hear them whisper goodbye.