I've lived
with the same man,
as his wife since I was 20.
First traditionally in the first 5
years and then legally for the last 13.
The best thing that came out of it - my 2 beautiful children.
In all
those years I
dealt with a lot of
feelings of worthless-ness
despair, rejection. Repeatedly ...
to the point where I believed that I was
not worth respecting, loving or even protecting.
5
months
ago I made a
decision to separate
from my husband and take
time to think about what I really
wanted. Its been an arduous emotional journey.
In that
5 months
I have come
closer to knowing
myself, what I value
about myself, why my life
has purpose. I can truly say
that for the first time in my adult
life I accept who I am, I genuinely see
my beauty and love myself more than I ever
came close to in the last 18 years. I did that by myself.
Marriage
is supposed
to be your safe place.
Your haven. The one place
where one person is committed
to daily reminding you why they chose
you to love, honour, respect and protect. It's
a commitment to building another person up and not
breaking them down. If its genuine you grow together, not apart.
Sometimes
we look for answers
in all the wrong places
because we are not ready
to face the painful truth that's
been staring us in the face all along.
If you have to ask yourself where you stand
with someone, chances are that you're standing alone.
If its
taken me
5 months to
show myself what
someone failed to do in
18 years, it's hard to justify
that they are worth spending one
more minute of my precious life on.
And that's a fact.
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